I'm back. It's been a couple months, but not nearly as long as last time. I should be lesson planning right now, but instead I'm brimming with anxiety about the week ahead. I've taken on some leadership roles this year at work, so I'm wearing several professional hats.

My Hats:

• Teacher
• Mentor
• Tutor
• Science Teacher Leader (museum partnership)
• Safety Committee chair

There are probably other things I'm just not thinking of at the moment, but oh well. I should be most concerned about the science thing, but the negative feelings seem to be more Sunday based rather than centered on that. I think my "Sunday Scaries" are also exasperated by the fact that R and I have been travelling for the last two weekends. There are so many things I "need to get done" but really, I want to read, go rollerblading, and put D the dragon on the leash I bought for him. My house is a mess and I usually feel calmer with my space in order. That will be on the list for tomorrow. 

Books I was reading:

• The Woman in the Window - A.J. Finn (Book Club choice)
• This was actually really cool. I'd recommend reading it--it really sucked me in and I wasn't able to predict a lot of it, which was refreshing.
• The Empty Mirror - Janwillem van de Wetering (Cousin B's recommendation)
• Not the most interesting thing on Earth, but it helped me chill out and care a little bit less (don't worry so much!). Actually, maybe I should skim those points again, given what I was writing about today.
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Mark Manson (R's recommendation)
• This was wonderful. It was like Mark was reading my mind, describing my illogical guilt spirals, fear of not leaving a lasting impression on the world, wanting to feel special...it's okay to be a normal person and I think I need to get chapter summaries printed on posters to hang around my house or something. I want to recommend this book to everyone I know, so no wonder 

Books I'm reading now:

• The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt (A.B. recommendation)
• So far really sad, but is holding my interest. The main character seemed to start as an adult and jump back to childhood, so I'm waiting for a return to the present (sort of a mystery why he is where he is/what he is doing).
• I should start reading my next book club book (Little Fires Everywhere) and I brought a whole bag of books back from Mom and Dad's, so there's that. I also have a book from mom and a book from dad (mindfulness for teachers and something about preschoolers) which I've been pushing to the back burner for far too long.

I should write about my inventions here, as well. I'll have to remember my most recent one: face cream. 

Alright. Back to the plans. Checking things off my to-do list makes me feel better, anyway. I need a bedtime routine.

A Triumphant Return

It's been quite some time since I last logged in--6 years, actually. I'd like to think that I'm wiser and calmer now, but I think I'm mainly the same. Older me is basically younger me on a time delay--I can take a second to censor something or decide it might not be the best idea.

My truths:

• FOMO is still a real thing that I'm working on.
• I am a real teacher, and just finished my 5th year
• It's summer, so I can do whatever I want. I plan to document that here, along with my project Instagram page
• I own a (bearded) dragon
• I live with R in Chicago

Currently reading: 

• The Woman in the Window - A.J. Finn (Book Club choice)
• The Empty Mirror - Janwillem van de Wetering (Cousin B's recommendation)
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Mark Manson (R's recommendation)

I have a couple projects up in the air, so I'll post about them separately. I'd like to say that this blog (and my life) have one specific purpose, but that still isn't the case. Buckle up, and welcome to my inner monologue. 

Graduation

Well, I'm in the real world now. Hm. Where will I go?

Sadness

I'm feeling so sad. I need to get it out. No quote today.

Sometimes I feel like my life at home is just a dream. It makes me feel crazy that I can come back here and it's like nothing ever happened for real. I feel so much cognitive dissonance because I love school, I love learning, I love teaching, and I love being a senior. I hate leaving J and my family, and I'm so stressed out with all the work I have to do.

I worry about everything, and I don't want to miss out on anything. I'm spreading myself too thin. This sucks. I want to be in the real world with J in chicago right now, and yet, I never want senior year to end. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time. I just don't want to regret anything. I wish I could freeze time and have everything.

Not So Original

Hmm. It's been longer than I hoped. Here are some lyrics that were a real pick-me-up from the song "Lost" by Michael Bublé:
Life can show no mercy. It can tear your soul apart. It can make you feel like you've gone crazy but you're not. Things have seemed to change. There's one thing that's still the same: In my heart you have remained and we can fly fly fly away. 'Cause you are not alone and I am there with you. And we'll get lost together until the light comes pouring through.

I found out today that there is a song called "Sweet Serendipity" and I thought I would have to change my blog name because I wouldn't like it. Turns out I do like it, and I guess the name can stay. It's a shame though...I thought I was being so creative!

Things I'm thinking about today:

• I need to look up those last psych classes!
• I'm excited about my felt tree in the preschool! Everyone seems really into it, and I need to remember to take more pictures.
• I should start writing songs. Maybe poems in iambic pentameter that J can put to music? I think that would be fun.
• On that note, DESTYNE the musical is totally going to happen :)

Thats all for tonight. Tired. Trying to do yoga in the morning.

I Need Sleep

Thursdays are the worst. First, I was a few minutes late to placement because I missed the Silver bus by about 30 seconds. This wouldn't have been so bad because I could put my bike on the Gold bus, but that was almost ten minutes late. I ended up staying at placement until 1:30 too. Every Thursday there is a meeting with all the teachers in my class, and I can never make it. Anyway, I was excited to stay and be part of the group, but I really don't think that I needed to be there. It dragged on way too long. Anyway, then I had art and music, but they weren't very interesting today. Betsie brought her baby, named Mikey. That was pretty much the highlight of my day. :) Sped took FOREVER. ADHD kicked in hard core. I just finished work at the library and am finally able to go home and go to sleep.

Lets be real. I'm going to watch a T.V. show when I get home, then I'm sleeping. It's okay, tomorrow will be awesome! It's homecoming weekend and Jeff is coming!! I feel kind of bad though, because a lot of my friends are going out, but I need to go home and shower...the bars close at 2am! Not worth it :(

Is my blog boring? I need to make it more interesting...more than just an online diary/rant, because that's not super fun to read (and I'd like readers). The reason I originally made this two years ago was because I watched the movie Julie and Julia. I need to come up with a theme.

Hump Day

My quote for the day:


Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day.  ~Author Unknown

I rode my bike to my student teaching placement today because I missed the bus...it took 25 minutes. This wouldn't have been a big deal except it turns out someone stole the bungee cords for my bike yesterday! I had a side bag and normally could have attached it to the back of my bike, but had to put the straps over my head instead (it kept sliding off my arm). While that kind of sucked, at least I know how long it takes me to get to placement!

The rest of my day was better. The kids really did enjoy the observational drawing lesson with Otto the paddletail salamander--BV is an excellent drawer! I had no idea. Luisa also came to observe me, so that was fun. She was able to see a relatively quiet time of the day--too bad she wasn't there for the later group meetings! 25 restless kids on one rug = trouble. I'm also really happy that I was able to do my screening assignment on MB today. He put up with it really well, and I discovered that I love doing the screenings! I bet I could do the other children, too. Finally, a way to take initiative!

I did get hit in the face by a child trying to sit on my lap, but I didn't get licked or peed on today, so I'm considering myself lucky. I still have half the day to go, but I think it will be good. For once, I'm not rushing to finish homework, and today I get to go to SOAR, and have my second meeting with the ADHD coach!

UPDATE: Hannah works in DRES (where the ADHD coaching is)! Now I have a walking buddy every Wednesday :)